A Reflective Holiday Kickoff

Well, it's usually in the low 60's around Christmas-time in San Francisco. It was even 70 degrees last week. Jack and I have been reading about Santa, snowmen, and sledding in our short sleeve t-shirts. It doesn't feel like a traditional Christmas as I've known it growing up. Though, I still go with it and I try to explain to Jack what snow is, what it's like to make a snowman or to go sledding.

That's how I feel about Christmas this year. I feel like there's an ideal that's not being met and the whole season is a little off. The idea of family at the holidays is dismantled and we now need to cobble it together between several homes and new families. And though Jack may someday love having several Christmas's, I'm sad that he will be shuffled between homes, or leave one parent saddened because they cannot be with him, or leave extended family in an awkward situation of trying to keep the peace while still involving each of us in their celebration of the season.

Jack found a Christmas stocking
and decided to try it on

The former anticipation and happiness of the season seems deflated and emotionally draining now for me with all the inevitable sadness for some, complexities, scheduling, and shuffling that can be expected with each future holiday. But maybe it comes back to that's not how I grew up and I can't compare my reality to Jack's. Although it's not ever what I wanted for Jack or for our families, it is our reality now and I need to dig deep and find some joy in the present and be thankful and cherish the limited time that I do have with Jack instead of feeling punished over the time that I have been forced to relinquish. I've decided to start by kicking off the season with new traditions and upholding some old ones.

After the Thankgiving weekend I went down the block and lugged up a small tree for us. I strung the lights and bought a new star for the top; a symbol of our new beginnings together.

Jack and I trimmed the tree today. I decided to continue my tradition of buying one new ornament a year and let Jack choose it -- a shiny glass ornament shaped like a fire engine. As I do each year to whoever will listen, I told the story of each ornament as we hung it. My Uncle Connie's handmade wooden ornaments were the first to be placed in his honor (sadly, we lost him this year) and to have their story told.

After we trimmed the tree, we got ready for a new tradition -- an annual children's concert, Deck The Hall, at the San Francisco Symphony. The SF Symphony played a short interactive program of Christmas and Hannukah classics that was accompanied by a children's choir and dancing bears, trees, and Santa. For the finale, everyone sang Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and Tis the Season. In the lobby there were refreshments, candy, arts and crafts, and family favorite characters for photo opps. Several trees adorned the hall, tree lights twinkled, and kids were everywhere in their holiday clothes. I found myself finding joy in this afternoon and only teared up once at the line "All I Want For Christmas Is You", when I gave Jack an extra long hug.

CLICK HERE for more pictures of Jack and me trimming the tree and at the Deck The Hall holiday concert.

Below is a video of Jack exploring a box of decorations: