Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

A Reflective Holiday Kickoff

Well, it's usually in the low 60's around Christmas-time in San Francisco. It was even 70 degrees last week. Jack and I have been reading about Santa, snowmen, and sledding in our short sleeve t-shirts. It doesn't feel like a traditional Christmas as I've known it growing up. Though, I still go with it and I try to explain to Jack what snow is, what it's like to make a snowman or to go sledding.

That's how I feel about Christmas this year. I feel like there's an ideal that's not being met and the whole season is a little off. The idea of family at the holidays is dismantled and we now need to cobble it together between several homes and new families. And though Jack may someday love having several Christmas's, I'm sad that he will be shuffled between homes, or leave one parent saddened because they cannot be with him, or leave extended family in an awkward situation of trying to keep the peace while still involving each of us in their celebration of the season.

Jack found a Christmas stocking
and decided to try it on

The former anticipation and happiness of the season seems deflated and emotionally draining now for me with all the inevitable sadness for some, complexities, scheduling, and shuffling that can be expected with each future holiday. But maybe it comes back to that's not how I grew up and I can't compare my reality to Jack's. Although it's not ever what I wanted for Jack or for our families, it is our reality now and I need to dig deep and find some joy in the present and be thankful and cherish the limited time that I do have with Jack instead of feeling punished over the time that I have been forced to relinquish. I've decided to start by kicking off the season with new traditions and upholding some old ones.

After the Thankgiving weekend I went down the block and lugged up a small tree for us. I strung the lights and bought a new star for the top; a symbol of our new beginnings together.

Jack and I trimmed the tree today. I decided to continue my tradition of buying one new ornament a year and let Jack choose it -- a shiny glass ornament shaped like a fire engine. As I do each year to whoever will listen, I told the story of each ornament as we hung it. My Uncle Connie's handmade wooden ornaments were the first to be placed in his honor (sadly, we lost him this year) and to have their story told.

After we trimmed the tree, we got ready for a new tradition -- an annual children's concert, Deck The Hall, at the San Francisco Symphony. The SF Symphony played a short interactive program of Christmas and Hannukah classics that was accompanied by a children's choir and dancing bears, trees, and Santa. For the finale, everyone sang Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and Tis the Season. In the lobby there were refreshments, candy, arts and crafts, and family favorite characters for photo opps. Several trees adorned the hall, tree lights twinkled, and kids were everywhere in their holiday clothes. I found myself finding joy in this afternoon and only teared up once at the line "All I Want For Christmas Is You", when I gave Jack an extra long hug.

CLICK HERE for more pictures of Jack and me trimming the tree and at the Deck The Hall holiday concert.

Below is a video of Jack exploring a box of decorations:

Santa Talks to Jack

Mindy's cousin, Peggi, sent this adorable video for Jack that has been fully customized with his name, picture, what he wants for Christmas, etc.

If you believe, click the link below to see Santa talk to Jack:

http://magicsanta.ca/gateway.html?code=HE3A5Z

Future Gift

Click for a larger image

Jack is a very fortunate little boy who will receive lots of toys and clothes from generous family, friends, parents, and Santa this holiday season.

I am hoping that one gift this year will actually be a gift that he will enjoy several years from now. I came across a small book called, My Mom. Inside there are questions and space for Mom to answer questions about herself that give the reader insight into Mom's life past and present. Questions start with Mom's childhood (describe where you grew up, what music you listened to, who do you look like), move on to life before children (how did you meet Dad, how did you spend your free time), to motherhood (what was it like to become a Mom, what's the best/hardest thing, what advice would you pass on), to reflection (proudest moments in life, how life has changed, what do you still want to do in your lifetime, and how do you want to be remembered).

I hope it will be an interesting read for Jack someday when he realizes that life has ups and downs, but a Mom's love is unwavering. For when he realizes that Mom was also a youngster and teenager like he will have been one day, an adult who lived a rich life before having children, who then struggled to have children, and finally whose life was fulfilled in so many joyous ways by having a son she loves more than any words can articulate.

Occupy...the Mall

You may have read how the anti-Wall Street "Occupy" movement has sprung up across the nation to protest corporate greed. Today, I found myself in the midst of the Occupy San Francisco movement in Union Square (San Francisco's main shopping area) as they protested Black Friday's consumer culture.

I had basically finished my shopping for the day and had a full stomach from lunch, so I was feeling my second wind. I clutched my bags of capitalist goods and stopped by the mall sidelines to amuse myself with all the bongo-drumming, flying dreads, anti-consumerism signs, and wafts of patchouli, pot, and BO.

Mall rent-a-cops ushered the protesters along through and out the mall. Outside, San Francisco cops were forming barricades around intersections which kept the protesters on the move through the shopping district. Earlier the protesters were camping out at heavily trafficed intersections.

It's starting to feel a lot like Christmas in San Francisco - in other cities you can count on glistening snow or wreaths on every door. Here you can count on a protest on every holiday, convention, or tradition. Ah, never a dull moment!

Costc-OH!

UPDATE 11/25/11 -- Jack ate 32 yogurts in 9 days. I went back to get two more boxes today!

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I haven't been taking very good care of myself lately and my immune system has been greatly suffering. So, I made a trip to Costco to get a super-sized bottle of multi-vitamins, calcium supplements, and fish oil. I dumped them into the cart and weaved my way down each of the other aisles.

Costco has always been about toilet paper, garbage bags, and laundry detergent to me. I never really looked at the food aisles. And I never knew what I was missing! I found the same Yoplait yogurts, mozzarella sticks, organic eggs and chicken that I normally get at Whole Foods for a lot less. Though, it remains to be seen if Jack can eat 32 yogurts in the next month or 60 mozzarella sticks by February before they expire.

I also picked up a few things that won't expire - like a giant box of Ghiradelli Triple Chocolate Brownie Mix with semi-sweet, bittersweet, and milk mini chocolate chips. I thought it would be something fun for Jack and I to do together. The box came with 6 separate packets of mix which will keep us in brownies for a long long time.

We made our first batch tonight. Jack had fun mixing the ingredients and leveling it into the pan. We both enjoyed licking our spoons. The brownies were foolproof - incredibly moist, chewy, and super chocolately.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

After her walk tonight, Stella laid down on one of the hallway stairs with one meaty little leg hanging down. When I went to take a picture, Jack decided he wanted to be in the picture too and laid down with her. Stella is so chill that she barely moved.