Dia De Los Muertos

Papel picado ("perforated paper").
Delicate paper cutouts that are strung together on a string into a banner.

Jack’s preschool recently contacted parents to bring in pictures of loved ones who had passed. They were going to create an altar in celebration of Dia De Los Muertos (the Day of the Dead).

Decorated sugar skulls are traditional

DDLM is a Mexican holiday, founded in Aztec roots, that’s celebrated each year on November 1^st and 2^nd. Because we have a large Mexican population in San Francisco, it’s a prominent holiday and you’ll find altars dedicated to loved ones in storefront windows and all around the Mission district (largely Mexican) at this time of year. Skeletons are particularly iconic for DDLM and as homage to this cultural tradition. The City even placed custom designed rod iron gratings that feature skeletons around newly planted trees when they did a recent facelift of the Mission district. Even so, I hadn’t really participated in DDLM in the 15 years I have been out here.

I had mixed feelings about the school’s request for pictures. Both of Jack’s Grandpas had passed but I don’t believe either Tom or I ever fully explained that they were dead; emphasis on using the word “dead”. And Jack saw them only a few times, so he never asked where they were and we were able to evade a difficult subject. When my Dad passed, Jack was two. He came to the funeral home, but family kept him busy and he played downstairs with all of his little cousins while the sadness and tears played out upstairs. I don’t remember telling him that Grandpa “died”. When Tom’s father passed this summer, Tom and I weren’t together and I wasn't allowed at the funeral. I gave suggestions to Tom about how to explain Grandpa’s death to Jack and what he would see at the funeral which he attended, but I’m not sure what message was ultimately was conveyed, if any. At that time, I did discuss with Jack that a cemetary is a place for our bodies when they don’t work anymore and explained that's where Grandpa is – but we didn’t discuss further. 

Playing games at Casa Bonampak

In talking with Jack’s teachers about my concerns, I learned that DDLM is meant to be celebratory. It’s a time when life and the memories of our loved ones are festively celebrated – an annual way not to forget them, to celebrate what they mean (present tense) to us, and what we have to be thankful for in our own lives. In a spiritual sense, they are welcomed back to celebrate with the living – in Mexico, some families even have a picnic at the cemetery.

I finally did email a picture of Jack with my Dad for Jack to place on the altar at school. And noticed that Tom did the same. The kids made traditional skulls out of sugar and placed them on the altar alongside the pictures.

I wanted to learn more about what Jack was learning about DDLM, so I volunteered to be a parent escort on a field trip to Casa Bonampak, a store in the Mission that’s dedicated to preserving Mexican culture and traditions. The store is a few blocks from school. When we arrived at the store, the kids sat in a big circle and listened to the owner describe DDLM in the context of her own recent loss of her dog. All of the kids played a traditional Mexican game (like bingo) and the winner was honored with a colorful eggshell filled with confetti that was cracked over her head. That afternoon, I went back to Casa Bonampak and bought a banner (pictured at the top) and two sugar skulls – one for each Grandpa. Jack and I made a little altar together at home and we placed the sugar skull that he made at school alongside a paper airplane and a beaded bracelet he made next to the pictures.

Jack and friend, Alex, at taqueria

That night we went with a friend to the annual DDLM procession in the Mission that was a mix of art installation and dance with a lively procession through the streets. We ate at a taqueria for dinner (a cheap Mexican restaurant where you order at the counter and grab a seat) and then headed to Garfield Park where the action was. Our walk through the neighborhood to the park was candlelit as we passed several altars dedicated to loved ones. At the park we found huge altars of various forms and interactivity - some were huge, some were small, some encouraged us to write a note and post it to a roll of paper that spanned nearly a block or beckoned us to decorate paper feathers that we pinned to an altar. There was an amazing troupe of women who danced the flamenco in their flowing dresses and painted faces which captivated Jack and his friend (and their Mommies).



In the end, I discovered the positivity of DDLM and found it a wonderful way to connect to the diversity and community of our neighborhood and city. We've added a new tradition to our family.

CLICK HERE for pictures of our fieldtrip to Casa Bonampak and the nighttime festival in Garfield Park.